Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
