Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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