dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She said her name was "party"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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