That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
