if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
