I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my being single is dangerous.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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