you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
