If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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