i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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