I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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