SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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