Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
