I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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