Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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