Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
