New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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