you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
