so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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