That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
