Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
