get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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