When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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