i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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