I wish I only lived at night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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