Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
