I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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