told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
