she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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