Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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