Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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