So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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