my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
