I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
