When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
