Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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