Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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