i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
