Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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