we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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