I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
