my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
