Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
