does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
