can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
