four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
