sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
