OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
