God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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