I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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