If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
