i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
