Midget sex pt 2 tonight
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
