I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
