She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
