Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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