Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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