You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
