just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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