I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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