you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize