she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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