Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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