i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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