he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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