I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
