ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
