I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
