I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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