This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
