OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
