Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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